I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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