i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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