I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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