Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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