now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
