Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
