Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
now i know why i became what i already was.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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