I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
