I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
