I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
