I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Pooping to opera.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
