the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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