Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize