i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think people are normalizing furries
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