I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize