I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
