I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
