Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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