Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
