"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
