I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize