pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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