This is not my ceiling
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize