so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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