Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
