a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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