So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
