I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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