i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
