what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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