i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
