dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
