I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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