What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
