I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
