Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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