Duck Duck Cougar?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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