He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
