dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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