You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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