He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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