at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
