I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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