I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
