I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
