He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
