i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
