I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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