and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
