So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
