just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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