We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize