Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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