Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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