Me. At least after what I've been through.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
