cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Randomize
