Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
