I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
