He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
