I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
