Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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