So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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