he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
