I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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