I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
did you just send me my own nude
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
