Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize