You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
