yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
