Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
